It has been nearly four months since my return from Everest and I still find myself in the space of uncertainty. I want to embrace the uncomfortableness, but I rarely do. It is a totally unfamiliar place for me. I never climbed Everest before, so “What do I do after Everest?” That is my unanswered question.
I have immersed myself in my life coaching business and begun studying to become a personal trainer and will be certified by the end of this year, but the question of what is my next big mountain keeps coming up and I don’t have a good answer. Nothing big has shown up like it always did in the past. Can I do “this one” was the draw for me and where I got my motivation. The challenge of the “unknown” hooked me and kept me going. Right now I don’t have that and I may never have it again. And that is getting more and more OK. I plan to do Kosciusko in Australia (7,310 ft.) and Fuji in Japan (12,388 ft.) next year, possibly 2016, but there is no unknown factor for me with either mountain. I know I can climb them.
So here I am in this “boat” without a rudder, just drifting about, with the wind in charge not me, or so it seems. I am still the same person that left for Everest, but I now experience life differently. Life didn’t change, I did. While I have been drifting I’ve been thinking that I should have another huge mountain goal. They were always right there before, why not now? Where did my “rudder” go?
What is interesting is that I know in my head that the rudder is still there. But why do I think the boat is heading in the wrong direction? It really IS heading in the right direction. It’s just not heading in the direction that I “THINK” it should be going. I am open to this new course, but I’m not quite there yet. Right now all I see is fog and I have no idea when it will end.
Life sometimes provides us with these times of uncertainty so that we have time to get out of our own way. Too often we are caught up with DOING life and we don’t take the time to EXPERIENCE life. And then we wonder why we feel like we miss out on life or are on the wrong path. Sometimes we just need to relax and let life happen. It’s not about the doing or being driven by a specific goal – it is about the participation, and truly experiencing every moment.
So…having returned to somewhat “normal” I am approaching what I do differently. I am even slowing down a little. Workouts are not full-out, but still intense. On rides, I’m in the middle of the pack instead of the front, and I even stop half way to have a smoothie. On climbs I let others lead and I’m even using a lighter pack. Best of all I look forward to just being with family and friends more than ever. And guess what, I’m having much more fun in the “slow lane” – a great side benefit. Go figure?